Her name was “Dansssaru”, but my mom and I called her “Ronis”, because it was easier to say.
I remember that day perfectly, when she became part of the family and a part of my heart. At that time, I was so immature and in love with a bad guy (destructive relationship). My father who always looks after me, decided to give me a pet in order to forget and break up with my boyfriend. So, we went to the pet shop and my father ordered a male ferret, owing to the fact that in the shop all the ferrets were adopted. We went back to the shop one week later and they told us that only a female ferret had arrived. The girl holding the female ferret told me ‘Do you want her?… Unfortunately, we didn’t get more ferrets, only this one which was the littlest of her family’. I thought, this ferret is as special as the others, it doesn’t matter if she is the littlest, the biggest, or the fattest one, so I decided to adopt her.

I really regret being so immature, maybe so stupid that I wasn’t the best owner for my little Ronis. The first day I was scared because she looked like she wanted to bite me, but she only wanted to play (that day is the one I would like to go back in the time and change). I feel like I didn´t give her the life she merited. I should have played more with her, spent more time next to her, I considered her just like my daughter. Anyway, the last year was the worst one of my life. Until then my little Ronis had been thin although she ate too much or just a little, even the doctor gave her dietary supplements, but she continued as always, thin, at least with a lot of energy. Everything changed when the weather started being hot and in the morning I often saw her like she was unconscious, I thought she was only thirsty; I helped her by giving water to her directly, because she moved feebly. After giving water to her, she was active again, running and jumping. One day, I was really scared because she showed bad health and she wasn’t jumping or running as always, just laying around; after that everything became worst, her body began to convulse and other horrible things that I don’t want to remember.
My mom and I took her to the doctor and he told us it was pancreatic cancer; and the only way for her to recover from that was with a pancreas transplantation, but surgery would be a risk as she was 7 years old and ferrets average life span is from 5 to 7 years. Another option was with medicine; however this option would only give her a little more time to live. I decided to try it because I didn’t want to let her die.

Pitifully, she wasn’t as happy as I wanted, the medical exams were painful, she didn’t like the medicine, etc. I saw her wanting to play at least. My mom and I took care of her intensively, every night one of us waited until my little ferret was sleeping like a baby.
But the day came, all my nightmares became realities. I would like to delete those horrible things happening to my baby, I didn’t want to let her suffer any more, I felt her pain. I felt really sorry for what I did, it was not easy to decide, I felt like an egotist… My mother and I went to the doctor and I asked him for euthanasia for my princess.
She was slowly closing her beautiful and expressive eyes, falling in a dream which will never end.
That was the most difficult decision I have made in my life. Not choosing university, or travelling alone, or moving somewhere. This decision left a scar on my heart, I continue getting nightmares about those horrible days, I always cry when I remember her suffering that last day. Maybe the guilt won’t let me live peacefully. That’s why I decided to write it on this occasion, it isn’t because I like to open or show my feelings. It’s because I want to transmit this message.
Many times we don’t see the reality, we don’t take advantage of being with our family or our pets; we don’t show how much we love them or we don’t look after them enough.
If my Ronis could listen to me I would tell her ‘I am sorry, I am really sorry, forgive me for the decision I made, forgive me for not giving you enough time to show you I loved you, forgive me for I wasn’t a good mother for you. I really hope wherever you are, you are happy. I will remember you forever, your vitality, your naughtiness, your cheerfulness. I will love you forever.’

So, take my advice guys, maybe you think I am crazy to love a pet this much, but everyone has a point of view. I only want to show you that you could regret something you do when it’s already too late. Everyone matures as they learn and they learn as they make mistakes, but talking about people we love is better if we avoid making mistakes.

Abigail, Advanced